I Won't Give Up Read online

  “Dance with me.” I said pulling him off the bar stool, he looked like he wanted to refuse but I wasn’t giving him that opportunity. The bar was busy, probably mostly regulars. He pulled me into a slow dance to Patsy Cline’s I Fall to Pieces. He whispered the lyrics to me. I climbed onto my tippy toes and kissed his cheek and smiled a genuine smile at him. We locked eyes and I could feel the rest of my trepidation vanish almost completely. He dipped me down and slowly brushed his lips across mine, returning the smile, I relished in the feeling. When the song was done we headed back to the bar. Cooper pulled me onto his lap and I obliged feeling giddy.

  “You know you could do much better than me.” I told him.

  “You can’t perfect perfection Fiona.” He said kissing my cheek.

  We were laughing and engaging in small talk when a guy that looked like he was in his early twenties with a broad muscular build approached the bar.

  “Why does it feel like you’re the most beautiful girl in the room?” He was obviously trying to flirt.

  “Because she is.” Cooper said flatly looking annoyed.

  “Mmm. That she is. How ‘bout a dance there sugar.” He crooned. What the hell, clearly I’m here with someone.

  “No thanks.” I said. He reached towards my arm and tried pulling me off Coopers knee. Cooper tightened his hold on me. The guy growled. Shit.

  “Listen buddy if you’re gonna bark you’d better have some bite.” Cooper said, a menacing look crossing his face. The guy raised his hand again. Cooper stood lithely sliding me onto the stool.

  “You’re about to need a good friend tonight.” Cooper said before delivering a punch to his face that resulting in what I assume was a satisfying crack. He turned to me.

  “Time to call it a night.” He said but I was frozen. He picked me up bridal style and carried me quickly to the car. As he got into the drivers seat he looked at me worriedly.

  “You okay?” His voice full of concern.

  “I’m fine.” I said reassuringly. It never seized to amaze me how well Cooper could fight. “It’s late. I think we should just get some take out and maybe get a motel room for the night?” I said playing with my hands. He brought his hand to the my face and brushed the hair away from my eyes looking intently at me.

  “Fiona, what brought this on? For over a month I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to get you to do just about anything and now all the sudden we’re in the middle of nowhere and now you want to stay the night?” He said softly.

  “I’m just really tired.” I said. Poor Cooper looked so confused but started towards the diner to order some take out. The diner was right next to the motel so I went and got us our room for the night.

  “Evening Ma’am. What can I do for you this fine evening?” The older gentlemen behind the counter asked.

  “I’d like a room please.” I tried to sound confident and assured myself over and over that this is what I wanted. It was.

  “Sure. A double or a single?” He asked politely.

  “Single.” I said way too loudly, my voice off pitch.

  “That’ll be fifty-four dollars.” I handed him sixty and told him to keep the change. He handed me the room key and I thanked him. I grabbed our bags from the car and I went into the diner and waited with Cooper for our food. The temperature dropped and I shivered. Cooper stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me. With luggage and food in hand we headed to our room, I unlocked the door and watched Coopers surprised face. I was so nervous.

  “There’s only one bed in here.” He looked shocked and I was happy I was able to pull a fast one. I mean we’d slept in the same bed a couple of times already anyway but he was gentleman enough to assume that I would get a double if I had the choice.

  “I know.” I said with a wink. He pulled out our take out. He got me buffalo wings, chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese, my favorites. Buffalo wings have become our thing ever since the first time at The Barn. After we ate I went into the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. I washed my hair methodically, twice and applied some lemon drop lotion. I took a cleansing breath as I walked into the bedroom in just my towel, Cooper was laying on the bed in his boxers with his hands behind his head watching TV, when I knew I had his attention I let the towel fall.

  “Oops.” It was no accident and he knew it and by the look on his face he was helpless to do anything. He looked like a statue.

  “Fiona, what are you doing?” He stammered.

  You I hope. I thought to my self. I walked over to the bed and straddled his lap, claiming his mouth with my own. Our tongues slowly caressed one another in a slow dance; exploring. It felt amazing to be skin to skin with him. I was running my hands through his hair, up his arms and his perfectly sculpted chest. I felt his impressive erection pressing against my belly.

  “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen Fiona. I mean it.” He said, sincerity in every word. He moved so that I was now on my back. “I want to explore every inch of you, starting here.” He said lifting my foot and kissing the side of my foot. He was so gentle and loving, I could see the love and adoration he had for me in his eyes; I felt safe and happy for the first time in a long time. I was definitely falling in love with him, if I wasn’t already. Fear starting surfacing but I pushed it away. Oh could he do things with his tongue… I came crying out his name.

  “Um, I wasn’t expecting this… I don’t have anything.” He said shyly.

  “Are you clean?” I asked, he nodded his eyes filled with lust and yearning. “Me too. I’m on the pill.” I stated.

  “You’re sure it’s okay? I’m fine with what we just did, that was perfect, more than perfect.” Damn he was so freaking sweet!

  “I need you Cooper, I need you to love me.” I said with tears stinging my eyes. I needed this/him more than I ever thought possible. He brought his mouth to mine and slowly entered, rocking in and out and we made love. I thought Jack and I made love but this was a whole other level of intimacy I felt like he was marking my soul. He kept eye contact the entire time, cradling me in his arms, sweetly kissing all over my face bringing me over the edge, over and over again. Just the look in his eyes was almost too much, I felt him stiffen and find his release, he kissed me deeply making me climax one more time. It was so much more than I thought it could ever be. He pulled me close placing my head on his chest. I listened to the rhythm of his heart come back to normal. We fell asleep like that.

  When I woke we were still cuddling. I was wrapped in Cooper, he always smells amazing. I looked up at his face, his pouty lips slightly parted, his long eyelashes fanning on to his cheeks, his hair tousled and looking seriously sexy. I kissed his lips lightly thinking back to last night, it was truly amazing, literally perfect. The two of us fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and our bodies were so in sync, I was still in awe. I laid my head back on chest listening to his breathing and heartbeat, content and happy without the use any substances. Then reality had to rear its ugly head.

  “I love you.” He murmured still deep in sleep. Over the summer I’d read a lot of books, one was a book full of quotes and this one was had a quote from Neil Gaiman about love, real love not the stuff you read about in fairytales.

  “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. Its eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should just be friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-
you-apart pain. I hate love.”

  His little nocturnal admission made me freak out. Could I love him like he deserved? I realized despite my happiness and everything else he had to offer I’m just not ready for yet, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I’d only be able to give him half of my heart at best and he deserved more than I could offer. I wasn’t ready to love again nor was I ready for a glass splinter. The thought was already tearing me up. When he woke up I pretended everything was fine, we showered, together, then headed to the diner for breakfast before taking the long ride home.

  “I don’t know why you changed your mind but that was the best night of my life.” Cooper said beaming. I’d never seen him this happy. I was not looking forward to watching his smile fade away so I just shrugged my shoulders, plastered on a fake smile and nodded. Shit, this is going to kill him. Then the internal struggle started maybe I could try, that’s what I was trying to convince myself. I just couldn’t, not yet. Maybe we could be friends with extras? That would just end in one of us getting hurt. When we pulled into Cooper’s driveway I got out to walk to the drivers side when he snuck up behind me and lifted me up making me stifle a giggle.

  “You want to come in?” He asked eagerly.

  “I can’t.” I said way too quickly.

  “Are you okay? You haven’t said much on the ride home. I didn’t hurt you did I?” He sounded worried. He was always so sweet it was killing me.

  “Cooper last night was amazing, extraordinary even but I think we both went into it with alternate expectations. Mine was that I was hoping it would help me figure out if I’m ready to let my heart go again and honestly I’m just not right now and I don’t know if and when I will be. I’m really sorry. ” I watched as his facial expression changed from happy to looking like I just skinned a puppy.

  “Why Fiona? Last night was perfect. What about this morning? It would be so effortless with us. We’re made for each other why can’t you just see that?” He pleaded.

  “I just can’t.” I said as much for him as myself. “Please just let me go.” Reluctantly he did. I shut the door behind me and pulled out of his driveway watching him standing there, broken and let the tears flow. Everything changed after that night. All the little things he used to do stopped, just like that. I know it’s what I said I wanted but it was hurting me more than I could have ever imagined.

 

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Begin Again

  Cooper

  Coop, dinner tonight @ La Dolce Vita? Please…

  Dad

  I texted him back.

  I’m in but let me check with Fiona maybe she’d come too. 7:00?

  I knew this would make him happy.

  Perfect :D

  I finally felt like Fiona was starting to come around. My dad had been hounding me for the past couple weeks for all of us to go out to dinner, I’d been blowing it off because I thought it would be too much but today marked the five month anniversary of losing my mom and I knew it would be good to go out and be together.

  I texted her figuring that I’d just tell her we were going and hope she’d say yes. I

  Hey my dad wants to take us out to dinner tonight (it’s the five month anniversary of losing my mom) It would mean a lot. Pick you up @ 7?

  I felt bad using the guilt card but if it worked I’d be happy. She responded almost immediately.

  Fine. C U @ 7

  I couldn’t wait for seven o’clock now. The rest of the day seemed to drag on forever. When school ended I stopped at the florist and picked up a bouquet of a dozen red roses and a dozen calla lilies since they were her favorite. I went home and cleaned up my room before hopping in the shower. I changed into a pair of jeans that she’d complimented on last week and a black button up shirt. I styled my hair a little nicer than usual and put on my black boots. By the time my dad got home it was six he changed quickly out of his scrubs before we got in the car and headed to Fiona’s. I could tell he was just as excited.

  “How are things going with you guys?”

  “We’re getting there I think. She’s still really apprehensive and scared but she’s starting to trust me. She’s special you know.”

  “I can tell. It reminds me of my pursuit for your mom.” He laughed. I told him to pull into her driveway.

  “She lives here?” He gasped.

  “Yeah. It’s um big.”

  “Big it’s freaking huge it makes our house look like a bungalow.” I rolled my eyes and laughed at him.

  I rang the bell at exactly seven. When she opened the door she literally took my breath away. She looked incredible. I handed her the bouquet. She had on a stunning black dress with a red leather jacket and these cute little ankle boots that made her legs look amazing. I struggled not to ravish her on the spot.

  “You look stunning.” I said kissing her cheek. I saw her blush. “Thanks for doing this. He’s been insisting for a while and I swear I’ve kept him at bay for as long as I could. It will be painless I promise.” I knew it would go off fine, my dad was really cool plus he totally understood my pursuit, it’s exactly how he went after my mom. She went to go put the flowers in water. When we got to the car I opened the door for her but since it was a coupe we’d have to sit in the back. I climbed in after her.

  “Nice to see you again Mr. Kinley.” She said.

  “Kurt please and you as well Fiona. Cooper talks about you all the time and I mean all the time.” She looked at me and I knew I was guilty all I did was talk about her.

  “All good I hope.”

  “Of course.”

  I reached over and took her hand. I was so happy I felt like I could burst. When we arrived at the restaurant I helped her out of the car and we held hands walking in. She wasn’t trying to pull away like she normally did.

  We were seated in a quiet table at the back of the café. I pulled out her chair for her before sitting down next to her. We ordered our dinners and I took her hand and placed it on my lap interlacing our fingers. She ordered the roasted pepper alfredo with char-grilled chicken it looked really good way better than my chicken parmesan so I took an occasional fork full which made her keep rolling her eyes at me but it made her smile. Hey I’m a growing boy. Fiona and my dad made small talk. I interjected from time to time when the focus turned to embarrassing stories from my childhood.

  “Excuse me I’m going to run to the little boys room.” My dad said.

  “Your dad is really sweet.”

  “Like father like son.” I joked. Then she caught me completely by surprise when she leaned in a kissed me almost like it was an automatic thing to do. She pulled away quickly but the kiss left me wanting more. I lifted our hands and brushed my fingers over her cheekbone and kissed her lips lightly. She filled some major void for me. I loved her.

  “Stay with me tonight. We won’t do anything I promise I just need to hold you tonight.” Please say yes. I needed to hold her as much as I needed my next breath.

  “I don’t have any clothes, plus shouldn’t you ask your dad first?” She looked a little shocked.

  “He didn’t mind the last time you stayed.” It was a somewhat good memory but would have been a great one if that skank Tabby didn’t come and ruin it making like we had slept together. I’d wondered if we’d already be dating if that hadn’t happened. The thought pissed me off.

  “Just as friends though.” She said trying to sound firm.

  When my dad returned I double-checked our plan with him which he agreed was fine, she texted her mom who said it was okay with her. He paid and we climbed back into the back seat heading back to my house.

  “Um, do you kids need to make any um…stops before we get back to the house?” My dad asked. What the hell would we need to stop for?

  “For what?” I asked confused.

  “Um…um… do you need any umbrellas?” He said clearly embarrassed.

  “Dad what the hell are you talking about?” Umbrellas? It wasn’t raining. I laughed.

 
“Condoms. Do you need condoms?” He finally managed to spit out. Poor Fiona was mortified. I busted out laughing. Oh man embarrassing!

  “No dad we don’t do that but thanks for the offer.” I hoped we would one day.

  When we pulled into the garage my dad made a quick escape into the house clearly still embarrassed. Fiona and I went into my room. I unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it onto the bed. I caught Fiona checking me out, my subconscious high fived. I knew she liked my abs and she kept eyeing the V by my hips, it was there mostly thanks to her frustrating me causing me to hit the gym equipment more than I normally would. She sauntered over to the bed and picked it up and handed it to me. What was she doing?

  “Can you untie me?” She asked feigning innocence.

  I untied her dress must slower than necessary savoring the moment, I brushed my fingertips softly over her back moving her hair off her shoulders. It was hot seeing her all laced up like that, the dress totally showed off her sexy curves.

  “Turn around.” She giggled. I stripped out of my jeans and tossed them onto the chair I wanted to take a peek but didn’t want to seem like a pervert. She tapped me lightly. “I’m decent.”

  I turned around. Holy shit! “I’d say you’re very indecent, you’re killing me here.” I prayed she didn’t notice ‘little Cooper’ who was now at full salute. There was just something about her wearing my clothes that totally turned me on. But if and when something was going to happen it was going to be her choice. I’d wait forever if I had to but I’d hoped it wouldn’t take that long. She pulled me towards my bathroom where she picked up her toothbrush. After she spent the night I’d kept it and put it in the holder next to mine, I liked it there. She looked so hot with her hair curled I walked up behind her and brushed my nose against her hair breathing her in.