Battlescars: A Rock & Roll Romance Read online

  “Bean, if it were up to me I’d rewrite history. I’d change everything that happened that night, but I can’t. You can’t go around thinking that every guy is like him. They’re not.”

  “I’m not as nice as I used to be. I don’t trust people or tell them my secrets. I know that I distance myself, but I only do it because I refuse to be used or hurt again. I can only depend on myself.” I said firmly.

  “Listen to yourself! You’re difficult and stubborn, but if you give people the chance I promise that they’ll see you’re worth it. I love you, Bean. Just try, for me. A little bit at a time, and no I’m not just saying this because it’s Jake Parker. I’m telling you this because it’s time. Let it go and move on.”

  “And what happens when I finally decide to let him in, and he tells me that he doesn’t feel the spark that I feel?”

  “Then you Taser him and ask him again when he wakes up.” She laughed.

  “Oi! What am I going to do with you?”

  “You love me, and you know it. I’m just telling you how it is. Now if you follow my advice and you’ll be good to go.” She said proudly.

  “I’ll talk to you soon. I love you Pipsqueak.”

  “You too, Bean. Call me if you need me.”

  I hung up feeling a little better. I decided that I was still going to keep him at arm’s length until I could get a better grasp on the situation. Though, my hormones had other ideas. I’ve never felt such a strong connection to someone before and it scared me. Mark texted me saying that he would be staying with his friends until we were scheduled to leave tomorrow afternoon. Brett yelled through the door that room service arrived. My stomach growled at the thought of food. I walked into the living room and made a plate. I picked out some French toast and bacon and took a seat at the table. My phone went off a handful of times. Looks like some of my old friends are into celebrity gossip. I was stuffing a piece of bread in my mouth when I looked down and saw the name that popped up. It was a name that I haven’t seen in two years. Jeremy. I wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up. My hands were already turning clammy. I clicked on the screen and opened the message.

  Bre-bre, saw you on the news this morning. Looks like you like banging rock-stars after all…

  I got phantom pains as tears burned my eyes. Just as I was about to retreat to my room Jake walked back in with a huge smile on his face. It faltered the second he saw me about to burst into tears.

  “Aubrey? Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

  NO! My brain screamed. This was exactly what I was worried about when I saw his phone this morning. He was at my side in the blink of an eye. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t trust myself to move a muscle. Normally, I was tough as nails, and I didn’t let anything bother me. Jeremy was another story. Jake kneeled in front of me and put his hand under my chin to make me look at him. I flinched. He immediately pulled away and I saw worry etched on his face. A couple tears escaped. I couldn’t do this. I needed to be alone. I got up and ran to my room locking the door behind me.

  Jeremy Roberts was the reason I hated rock stars.

  We met when I was a senior in high school. I was almost eighteen, and he was twenty. He played bass in a local band named Gigawatts. He was the bad boy rocker, and I was the punk rock girl, we clicked. It ended very badly, and I swore off his kind forever.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Imperfect

  Jake

  As soon as I made it to their room they started ragging on me.

  “Dude, she’s so fucking hot!” Blake yelled. “I’m definitely not pissed at you for giving our room away. Though, I would have given it to us so that you could’ve hopped in the sack with her. That would have been the smart thing to do.”

  “She can sit on my face anytime.” Derek chimed in.

  “If either of you even look at her the wrong way again I’ll castrate you. She’s off limits!” I said seriously.

  “Whoa, is Jake Parker actually serious about a girl?” Derek choked.

  “I like her alright. She’s different, and I don’t need you assholes making her run for the hills by scaring her with your shenanigans.”

  “She seems nice, Jake. I hope it works out for you.” Kevin said genuinely.

  “Thanks Kev.”

  We were stoked about our show tonight at Terminal 22. It was sold out, and judging by our social media networks it was going to be an awesome crowd. I told them to get their asses in gear and not to be late for sound check. I hurried back to my room hoping to have some breakfast with Aubrey before sound check and pre-show stuff. I looked at her sitting at the table. At first I thought she looked content, but then I realized that she looked as if she was in pain. My automatic response was to hold her. I practically sprinted over to her. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. I wondered what could have happened in the fifteen minutes that I was gone. I couldn’t even get her to look at me. Was she having an anxiety attack? I had no idea what to do in situations like this. As soon as I touched her beautiful face she flinched and ran away.

  I asked Brett if he knew what happened. He said that he didn’t have a clue, but mentioned that she was on her phone. I picked it up and saw that it was locked. If someone was going to start shit with her because of me, they were going to have to deal with me. I felt guilty for invading her privacy, but it seemed more imperative to find out what the fuck happened. I tried her birthday, a little piece of info that I finagled out of her last night at dinner. Bingo. I scrolled through her texts. They mostly consisted of people saying that they saw our picture on the Internet, no biggie. Others wanted to know what our relationship was. I wasn’t surprised to see that she didn’t respond to any of them. The most recent one was from a Jeremy.

  Bre-bre, saw you on news this morning. Looks like you like banging rock-stars after all…

  I was livid. Whoever this was must have been who upset her. Even I could tell that Aubrey wasn’t that kind of girl. I wished that I could have reached through the phone and choked him. I decided that I needed to see if I could get her to talk to me. I needed to calm the fuck down first. I took a deep breath and focused on the task at hand. Once I had my composure back I slowly walked to her door and knocked.

  “Aubrey, it’s Jake. Can you open the door? I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” I pleaded softly.

  I didn’t get a response for a minute. I knocked again and was getting ready to break down the door when she finally came and unlocked the door. She went right back to the bed and buried her face in a pillow. I followed her over to the bed. She seemed so desolate. It was killing me.

  “Aubrey, I’m going to sit down next to you.” I moved very slowly. “Is it about the messages? I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the effect it would have on you. I’m so used to it that it’s normal. I’m so sorry.” I felt like an inconsiderate asshole.

  Her chest heaved up and down as she sobbed. I felt utterly helpless and was seriously starting to freak out until she reached for my hand. I precariously rubbed my thumb across her knuckles hoping that it was okay. I was relieved when she finally seemed to relax a little. I used my other hand to rub her back soothingly since she seemed to like that. I don’t know how long we sat like that until she finally lifted her head to look at me. She looked like a beautiful hot mess. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her mascara had strewn all down her cheeks. I reached over to the end table and picked up a tissue to wipe her face. She looked solemnly at me. I needed to hold her. I wanted so badly to tell her that everything was going to be okay. I’d make sure everything was okay. The feelings that I already had for this girl were downright ludicrous. Something about her just grasped at me and pulled me in. It was like a vortex.

  “Aubrey, I really need to hug you right now. Is that okay?” I asked her, feeling completely wretched.

  She sat up slowly and opened her arms. I leaned in and wrapped my arms tightly around her and breathed her in. This had to do with more than just a couple of messages. There was obviously something else.r />
  “What happened? I don’t want to pry, but that was really scary and I need to know what to do in case that happens again.”

  “I can’t,” She choked and started getting upset again. “I don’t want to taint you with it.”

  “How about I tell you my story and then you can decide if you want to tell me yours. I’m already tainted Aubrey.”

  “The wounds we have reveal us.” She whispered.

  “I was born to a teenage prostitute turned junkie. I spent my entire childhood rummaging dumpsters for scraps while my mother, who let’s just call her by her name since she was never a mother. So, while Crystal spent our grocery money on cocaine and heroin, I had to figure out how to get by. My father was one of her many Johns. I have no idea who he could be, and I don’t care either. When I was eleven she OD’d and the police found her body in a dumpster downtown. I was taken in by child protective services and put into foster care. That’s where I met Ron through an outreach program. He ended up becoming my mentor. He was the one that got me into music. He saved me, and now I’m here.”

  I got emotional just talking about Ron and what he did for me. He was like my dad. I couldn’t even imagine what fate would have had in store for me if he didn’t come into my life.

  “That sounds like it was harrowing. My story is nothing like that.” She shook her head.

  I knew she wasn’t going to divulge anything. I decided to let it go until she was ready and felt less vulnerable. I moved so that she was next to me and leaned us both back until we were flat on the bed. I curled into her hoping to give us both a little solace. I counted her breaths and felt the rise and fall of her chest against mine. I was able to get a closer look at the tattoo across her shoulder blades since she took her jacket off. It was an array of birds and stars with a quote underneath: It’s always darkest before the dawn. I absentmindedly traced my finger over it and wondered why she picked that particular quote. It was even more ironic that I had a similar quote around the same spot.

  Our cuddling was interrupted when my stomach growled embarrassingly.

  “Come on, it’s lunch time and before you try and protest I know you barely ate. I saw your plate.” I sat up and stood.

  I took her hand and pulled her to her feet. The room service was no doubt cold and gross by now. I decided to chance it and take her out. I knew the perfect place where I was less likely to be recognized. Even if I were to be spotted no one would dare mess with the owner. I told her to grab her jacket. I went into the living room and asked Brett to make arrangements with the hotel to allow us leave out the back. They happily obliged and after Brett gave the all clear we headed out through the kitchen. We climbed into a regular taxi instead of the hire car to avoid any suspicion.

  Brett gave the cabbie the address, and we headed into Harlem to Bee’s Waffle House. A friend of mine, Big Mike introduced me to this place years ago when I was just starting out. I tried to stop in every time I was in the city. We walked in and were greeted by Mama Bee herself. It was a small, charming little place. There weren’t any booths, instead there were several mismatched tables and chairs. The walls were painted sunshine yellow and plastered with pictures of her and her family. My picture was among them, which always earned a laugh. It was almost like eating in her kitchen.

  “Look what the cat dragged in.” She cooed wiping her hands on the front of her apron. A couple of patrons raised their heads but quickly looked away. She was a boisterous, fun loving woman with at heart of gold. She was short and rotund with short, dark hair and a smile that could light up a room.

  “Mama Bee.” I smiled brightly.

  She pinched my cheek.

  “Oh, you’re getting scrawny, boy. Sit, I’ll fetch ya’ll some grub. Who’s the beautiful lady?” She asked, looking at Aubrey.

  “This Mama, is Aubrey Thompson. I’m trying to make her my girlfriend, but we’re friends for now.” I winked.

  “Honey-child, when you gonna learn? You need to start the pursuit off nice and slow and let her figure it out on her own. Ain’t no sense pushing, ya hear?” She raised her spatula.

  “Yes ma’am.” I said bashfully.

  “Good. Now whatcha want to eat, Aubrey?” Mama beamed.

  “I’ll have whatever he’s having.”

  I bit back a laugh. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. Mama Bee shrugged her shoulders and smiled. She started working away at the stove.

  “I like her Jake.” She yelled. So do I Mama. So do I…

  Mama came over and placed our plates down in front of us. There were two pancakes, two pieces of French toast, two waffles, two eggs over easy, a large portion of corned beef hash, and two pieces of toast. She winked at Aubrey and plopped a container of syrup and a pitcher of orange juice on the table. She whistled on the way back to the kitchen. Starving, I dug in starting with the waffles because they were out of this world. I worked my way through the rest of the plate wiping up the last of it with a piece of toast. I was impressed that Aubrey was able to put a small dent into hers since it was a lot of food. I took out my wallet and pulled out five $100 bills. I left them under the plate since she always refused my money. I kissed her cheek.

  “I’ll see you next time I’m in town.”

  “Take care my sweet boy. Good meeting you Aubrey.”

  Aubrey nodded shyly.

  “That was really sweet.” Aubrey said once we were back in the cab.

  “Mama Bee is an extraordinary woman. She’s suffered a lot of loss and hardship, but you would never know. I’m going to tell you something, and it’s not to boast. I just want you to get a better idea of who I am.” Aubrey nodded. “Mama lives in this teeny, tiny house on Avenue B, it’s the nicest one on the block. It’s also a gathering point for her family and friends. Two years ago, Big Mike called and told me that it was going into foreclosure. Battlescars had just signed their first really solid deal, and I used a majority of my advance to pay off her mortgage, anonymously. She worked too fucking hard to lose her house. She only fell behind because she’s always taking care of everybody else. Mama always puts herself last. If you go there to eat and you don’t have any money, she feeds you anyway.”

  “I think that’s amazing! That’s exactly the kind of thing I would love to do if I had a ton of money.” She said thoughtfully.

  “I have a ton of money.” I teased, and she pinched me. I was glad pre-meltdown Aubrey was back. “Just saying… Anyway, I have to get to sound check. I was kind of hoping that you would come along since you’re coming to the show anyway. It will be painless, I promise.”

  “I guess.” She shrugged.

  I grinned excitedly. Brett told the cabbie to head over to Terminal 22. We pulled around to the stage door and hopped out. I took Aubrey’s hand, and pulled her inside. I grabbed Brett’s stage pass off his neck and gave it to Aubrey since the crew already knew him. He shook his head bemused. I introduced her to a couple of our roadies and some of the stage crew. I led her out onto stage, my home away from home. I stood on the X and grabbed the microphone.

  I wanted Aubrey to see the real me, not the rock star. I started singing and dancing the Macarena. I was gyrating my hips and waving my hand around flamboyantly. I knew that I looked ridiculous, but when I looked at Aubrey laughing hysterically it only added fuel to my fire. When I finished I did an exceptionally theatrical bow and put the mic back in its stand. I walked over to her.

  “Do you think Los Del Rios will pick me up if Battlescars ever kicks me out?”

  “I think you should stick to your day job.” She teased.

  I put the back of my hand to my forehead feigning hurt. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. Hell yeah!

  “If that’s all it takes to get a little of your attention little lady, I reckon I’ll be partaking in a lot more foolish activities.”

  “Oh, shut up. You’re annoying me now.” She rolled her eyes.

  She’s so hot when she does that.

  Since we had a little bit of time to kill befor
e the show started, I took her up to the rooftop to show her the view of the pier. We stared wordlessly out at the boats and the approaching sunset. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. She turned and looked at me.

  “Jake…” She stopped.

  “What is it Aubrey? Just come out with it already, I know you want to.” I pleaded.

  “I’m scared. I want to try and let you in, but the last time I let someone in it ended very badly. For some reason you can touch me and I don’t shy away. That has never happened with anyone that isn’t my family, or someone I’ve known my whole life. It scares me, Jake.” She whimpered. That sound fucking killed me.

  “Aubrey, I don’t know what happened. I won’t hurt you, at least not intentionally and never physically. Is that what you’re worried about?” She nodded. “We’re going to take this one-day at a time, as friends. I’ll earn your trust. You’ll see.” I vowed.

  Aubrey

  I was standing off to the side of the stage watching the opening act finish their set. I actually found myself looking forward to watching Battlescars play tonight. I always loved the aura of concerts. It was crazy to think that all these people came here to listen to Jake sing. He was turning out to have more depth than I originally gave him credit for. I thought back to this morning, and how compassionate he was during my episode and then his interaction with Mama Bee. He looked at her with fondness and respect. It was sweet. He was sweet. It was so easy to remember how he looked in the tabloids and the things they said about him. There was more than one side to Jake Parker and now I had a decision to make. Could I let him in?

  He came and stood next to me with a huge grin on his face.

  “I figured something out.” He exclaimed.

  “Oh yeah? Is it how to tie your shoes?” I looked down at his boots that had the laces tucked in. He looked at me dumbfounded and shook his head.

  “What? No. I figured you out.” He said proudly. I felt myself tense. Did he know? “You, my sweet Aubrey, are like a Tootsie Roll Pop. You’ve got to get through all the layers before you can get to the sweet inside.”