Repented Page 2

  Glancing out into the sea of people, I saw Joss stand up, pulling Kennedy with her. “She does,” Joss said, pointing at Kennedy.

  It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as I felt all the blood drain from my face. Bryn looked like she needed an exorcism.

  “What the hell is going on here?” Bryn shouted.

  “We need a minute. Everyone stay where you are. We’ll be right back.” I made a move toward the side door that led out to a small courtyard. I was pacing trying to wrap my head around what the hell was going on.

  Could it be? No. No way. Maybe?

  “Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on before my head explodes?” Derek grumbled, snapping me back to the present.

  “Skylar isn’t yours,” Joss said, looking up at him. “I knew it the second I saw him, so I pressed Kennedy. She finally admitted that she and Kevin had a thing going on behind your back, and that was part of the reason she took off to begin with. Then when you showed up, she was on the verge of being evicted, and she thought you’d never question it. You were going to be her payday,” she spat out.

  Fuck! My normally calm and rational demeanor was out the window, and suddenly the gray started to blanket over. The old Kevin was scratching the surface begging to come out and play. I shoved my thoughts away and focused on the scene that was playing out in front of me.

  “Please tell me this is a joke?” Blake asked. “Kev, you didn’t really do that, did you?”

  Knowing I had to come clean, I nodded. “I was young and stupid. Not that it’s an excuse. When she told me she was pregnant, I helped her run away. I just wanted it to all go away. She swore it wasn’t mine, and that she needed to go somewhere and start over. I gave her the money, and she left. I didn’t know where she went. Honestly, I was so high all the time; I wouldn’t have remembered even if I did.”

  I was ashamed of how I handled the whole situation but became so good at repressing that I never gave it much thought after it was all said and done. All I was thinking about at the time was how I was glad Kennedy was gone and that we still had a band.

  Trying to take her hand, Bryn looked thoroughly disgusted. “You slept with your best friend’s girlfriend and possibly fathered a child with her?”

  “Wife,” Joss clarified. “They were married at the time. Technically, they still are.”

  Married? Wife? Blake and Kennedy are married?

  Bryn’s yelling snapped me back to the present again. “This is too much to take on right now. You need to go in there and tell everyone to leave. Now!” She demanded.

  I wanted to beg her just to go back inside. I wanted to do anything other than be standing here in hell, but this was all too real. Instead, I marched my sorry, confused ass into the room full of people and cleared my throat. “There’s been a situation and the wedding will be postponed, feel free to head to the reception hall and enjoy the evening.”

  Making my way back to the courtyard, I didn't even take a second glance back at the hundreds of confused faces gathered for what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. Instead, I pushed open the door and tried to breathe. Bryn looked like she was exchanging harsh words with Kennedy. I knew I needed to intervene before it escalated. Every part of me felt like it was unraveling.

  What hurt the most was the look of hurt Bryn gave to me. Her shoving a knife through my chest would have hurt less. She looked at me like I was a monster. Worse, I felt like one. Here this kid was nine years old and didn’t have a father figure because I took that away from him. I was ripping at the seams. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together for much longer.

  I needed a drink. Just one, to quell my nerves.

  “I can’t even look at you right now, Kevin. I knew you had issues when I met you, but this is just too much. How could you not mention this along with everything else you told me? I didn’t sign on for this.” Bryn stormed away in her wedding dress, leaving me standing there alone with Kennedy since everyone else seemed to have disappeared in the blink of an eye.

  “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I think deep down I always knew, but I was holding onto the hope that he was Derek’s. It was a bad time in my life, you know that.”

  Rubbing my temples. “You’re sorry? Really, Kennedy, that’s fucking bullshit, and you know it. You dragged your innocent fucking kid, make that our innocent fucking kid, into this shitstorm, and you’re sorry!” I seethed. “Sorry doesn’t cut it!”

  Her face scrunched up as if I slapped her. Well too bad, I was pissed and she wasn’t going to get out of this without getting some of the pain she’s given all of us.

  “I guess I deserve that, but honestly I didn’t have any other choice, did I?” She spat back.

  Her eyes brimmed with tears, and I knew I needed to take it down a notch. It was partially my fault too. I didn’t ask questions. I just wanted it all to disappear, including her.

  “Listen, not to be a complete dick, but I need some time to sort through all this information myself. Why don’t you take Skylar and get some rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow when everyone is calmed down a bit? I can’t do this right now either. I'm sorry.”

  She gave a small, broken nod and walked inside leaving me standing there. Alone. After what felt like an eternity of staring at nothing, I finally made my feet connect to my brain. I started my way up to my suite. The suite Bryn and I were supposed to share tonight as a married couple. I hoped enough time had passed that the coast would be clear of attendees. The last thing I could handle right now would be seeing guests that were supposed to be attending the wedding. I couldn't handle the looks of shock and horror, only imagining what was running through their heads at the moment.

  Feeling like I was crawling through my darkest dream, only in my case it was now a reality, I walked in a daze to the lobby elevator.

  My past had finally come back to haunt me.

  It only took minutes for it to all come crashing down, and now I had to accept that there was a strong possibility that I was a dad. A dad to some kid I never met. Sure, I had to financial means to take care of a kid. Bryn and I had even talked about it a bit, but it was a ways down the road yet. Mentally, I didn’t feel like I was ready for that sort of responsibility, even the new and improved version was running and hiding from this one.

  As soon as the door to the suite closed behind me, my first instinct was to raid the mini bar, or call up an old dealer. Anything that could make my mind forget what it didn’t want to remember. After holding my phone in my hand contemplating for what felt like days, when it was only seconds, I placed it on the table and backed away.

  You know better now. It's not going to solve anything. Man up and face this head on. I repeated those words over and over in my head trying to burn today's events out of my memory.

  Needing a distraction, I stripped out of my tux leaving it in a pile on the floor and made my way into the bathroom. I felt dirty. I felt shitty. I wanted to feel clean.

  Turning the shower on, I stepped in and stood under the water until I could barely hold myself up. My mind raced. No matter how many times I tried to shut it off, it kept replaying today's events. I was so drunk and high the night that Skylar was conceived that the memory was fuzzy, but there was a definite possibility that I could be his dad.

  Exhausted, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist before climbing into bed. Completely mentally drained, my body demanded sleep. The fact that it was only seven o'clock didn't even cross my mind.

  CHAPTER TWO

  WHAT’S NEXT?

  The blinding sun shining through the hotel curtains hinted that it was morning. I was instantly pissed at myself for not remembering to close them, but the view from here was spectacular. You could see the ocean, the mountains and the city from the suite. I lay in bed, still wrapped in the towel, as the high thread count sheets claimed me as their own. Sitting up, it was eerily quiet, but I was thankful I remembered to hang the Do Not Disturb sign and unhook the phones.

>   The fact that I managed to sleep at all last night was a feat all its own. Throughout the night, I tossed and turned. I battled with myself. But, in the end I refused to sink. It was like there was an invisible anchor keeping me afloat.

  Part of me was hoping that it was all a bad dream and that Bryn would be in bed next to me, but it was real, and my heart was still broken. Dark thoughts filled my already racing mind. Deeply hidden scars were ripped wide open, and I wasn’t sure they would heal this time.

  My first thought was Bryn and how much she must be hurting right now. How embarrassing the whole situation was for her, our families, not to mention what this was probably going to end up doing to the band. We were like brothers. Normal people didn't just do something like that to someone they cared about, but at the time I was the furthest thing from normal. I did what I wanted and lived in a constant state of fuckedupness. It didn't even matter because it wasn’t going to bear much weight now. Lives are changed because of what happened. I needed to man up and take responsibility for my actions. As it was, it was going to take all the effort I had to drag myself out of bed and face reality.

  First, I needed answers and I owed a lot of people apologies. Rubbing my hands over my eyes, I tried to focus my mind on something to keep me grounded, but came up empty. More than anything, I wished I could talk to Bryn. I tried reaching out a few times last night while I was tossing a turning, but she wasn’t having it and eventually turned her phone off. Plugging the hotel phone back in, I saw the message indicator light flashing.

  “Um, Hi Kevin, it’s Kennedy. I realized I didn’t give you my number or where to reach me here in LA. Anyway, you can call me if you still want to meet up at some point today. It’s 602-442-9082. I’m really sorry about yesterday. Okay, talk to you soon. I hope. Bye.”

  Her voice sounded so shaky in the voicemail. In fact, she didn’t sound like herself at all. Again, guilt and remorse flooded over me. I was pretty damn awful to her yesterday, even if she had it coming. How in the fuck could I have let this happen? Blaming it on being young and stupid didn’t seem like a logical excuse anymore. The fact that Derek and her were married was weighing on me now too. Why would they hide something like that? Knowing there was only one way I was going to get answers, I picked up the phone and dialed her number.

  After the second ring, she picked up. “Hello," her voice sounded small. I reminded myself to stay in check. Flipping out on her wasn't going to solve anything.

  I paused for a minute, standing to look at the view, hoping to find something to focus on. “Kennedy, it’s Kevin.”

  I heard an audible sigh. It was hard to tell if it was out of relief, frustration, or both.“I know. How are you today?”

  Talking a seat on the bed, I focused my attention on staring at the circle like pattern on the duvet. I knew she was just exchanging pleasantries, but asking how I was after what went down yesterday just seemed asinine. The only way we were going to be able to make any progress, and find answers was to have a sit down face to face. I was already dreading the inevitable.

  "Listen, I don't want to sound like a dick again, but I don’t want to talk about anything right now. Can you meet me in an hour down in the lobby? We can grab breakfast and talk.” I wasn't in the mood for small talk. It was hard enough for me to keep myself grounded at the moment.

  I sensed hesitation from the other end. “Okay. I’ll see you in an hour.”

  Without saying goodbye, I hung up the phone and headed for the bathroom to shower and try collect my thoughts. So many questions needed be answered. There were blanks that I couldn't fill, no matter how hard I tried.

  As I passed through the seating room, I noticed an envelope sitting under the door. My heart dropped. I walked over and picked it up. There was no name on it, but it was obvious who it was from. I forced myself to take a seat on the sofa, before pulling out the folded letter.

  Kevin,

  I don't even know where to start with all of this. In the beginning, I knew I was signing up for a lot. Over the past three years, we've slowly pulled back the layers of your past. Or so I thought. In that time, I gave you trust and control. You took it. You used it, abused it even. It doesn't seem fair, so after yesterday, I’m taking it all back. I didn't sign up for this.

  I thought all the skeletons were cleaned out, but this is something entirely different. I don't know how you'd forget to tell me something this major. It's hard for me to believe the guy I was planning on spending the rest of my life with could let me down as much as you did. It turns out, you're not who I thought you were after all. That said, you can go on leading whatever life you want, but count me out. As the one person that promised I’d always be there, you can cross me off that list because I’m done. We're done. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened and I just don’t see us ever being able to move past this. ~ Bryn

  Tossing the letter onto the top of my bag, I tried my best to put it out of my mind. Honestly, I was expecting her to be pissed off and hurt that I never told her, but I wasn't expecting her to shut me out completely. Hell, I didn't even know. I completely repressed it until I saw Kennedy's face, and even then.

  After everything we've worked through since we've known each other, I thought we were unbreakable. Apparently, I was wrong. As much as I wanted to spend the day moping around thinking of ways to try and pick up the pieces, I needed to stay clear minded. If I was meeting Kennedy, I needed to be able to ask the right questions.

  Fifty minutes later, looking slightly less disheveled, I was in the elevator heading down to the lobby. My Ray-Ban aviators covered my bloodshot eyes. A dull pounding radiating through my head, it was like having all the effects of a hangover without drinking a sip of alcohol. Again, I was hoping to avoid any guests from the wedding that didn’t take place, knowing it was probably unlikely. I couldn't get that lucky twice.

  As the doors dinged signaling the lobby, they opened, and Bryn’s Aunt Sally stood there. Her smile was quickly replaced with fury. Her hand wretched back and slapped me clear across the face. She was a short, portly woman and thankfully didn't have much force behind her swing.

  “How dare you!” She shrieked.

  “Nice to see you too, Sally,” I said, walking past her keeping my head down.

  As I rounded the corner into the lobby, Kennedy was already standing there with Skylar next to her. She was staring into nothing, looking as tired as I felt. Trying to study his face inconspicuously to find the resemblance, I still couldn’t see it. Not all kids look like their parents I suppose, so it didn't mean anything. Besides, the timing fit. What a clusterfuck I had gotten myself into.

  “Hey,” I said, feeling incredibly awkward. We needed to get out of here before more people started surfacing. I didn't need a repeat of the Aunt Sally incident.

  Kennedy looked just as uncomfortable. “Hey. Skylar this is Mommy's old friend, Kevin. Kevin meet Skylar.”

  His hair was the same shade as Kennedy's. His face was more narrow than either of ours, but I still couldn't figure out which of my features he had. If any.

  “Hey buddy,” I replied not having anything else pop into my head. He smiled and clung to her. I returned my gaze to Kennedy. “So, um, did you have any plans, or did you just want to go somewhere and grab breakfast?”

  “Breakfast is fine. Maybe we can find a park nearby for Skylar to play while we catch up?”

  At least she was mature enough not to go into details in front of him.“Sure, I know just the place.”

  We walked three blocks in silence to Dave’s Deli. I grabbed us some breakfast sandwiches and drinks before heading to Colts Park across the street. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but it would have to do for now.

  I started towards a cluster of tables and benches in the shade and took a seat. Kennedy sat across from me looking even more uncertain. A small bit of light came shining through highlighting the red undertones of her and Skylar's hair. He was eyeing the park like a hawk.

  He smiled at her, still missi
ng one of his front teeth. “Mom, can I eat after I play for a bit? There’s a ton of slides over there.”

  She looked at him, then at me. I shrugged, figuring it would probably be best for him not to be within earshot of whatever was going to be said. “Fine, but stay where I can see you.” She gave him a stern, motherly look and he was gone before she even finished.

  “I guess he has a lot of energy?” I asked.

  “You could say that. It’s definitely a boy thing though. My other mom friends with girls don’t seem to have that problem so much,” she sighed.

  I decided to cut right to the chase. “Why now, Kennedy? It was my fucking wedding. You couldn't have waited until after.”

  “I guess there’s no use for small talk is there?” She asked as I shook my head. “Blame Joss, she wouldn't let it go. But you know what, I’m tired of struggling. I’ve been doing this on my own for almost ten years, Kev. Working one dead end job after another to try and make ends meet. Somehow, I've managed to stay away from Derek all this time, and him me. In my heart, I always knew that he would make it one day, that all of you would. When that finally happened, I was hoping he would want to be a part of my life again, of Skylar’s life. That he'd come back for me," her hands ran through her thick, dark hair as her eyes grew misty. "Then, right after you guys signed, he called me out of the blue and thanked me for leaving. He said it was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. Thanked me for not weighing him down."

  Instinctively, I reached across the table and put my hand on hers. "That had to hurt hearing that."

  She nodded. "He told me he wanted a divorce, but he didn’t know about Skylar, and I didn’t know how to tell him. Selfishly, I also knew that by waiting I could probably get more money for alimony or something. In my defense, I only wanted it for Sky. Like I said yesterday, part of me has always known that he wasn't Derek's. No matter how much he hurt me in the past, I love him, and I wanted to believe Sky was a piece of him. Now I see that I was delusional thinking that we would find our way back to one another, and it would be like it used to be.” She wiped a tear from her cheek and looked over at Skylar to make sure he didn't see her crying.